tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8984894774694891917.post7617075555755044883..comments2023-09-24T10:34:18.203-04:00Comments on Project Blue: HomeJumbo's Lezishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01228116498312054536noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8984894774694891917.post-55225348365328048512010-11-04T04:31:10.999-04:002010-11-04T04:31:10.999-04:00That is the thing that makes me saddest - that ins...That is the thing that makes me saddest - that instead of you focusing on what you learned about yourself and seeing how hard you were willing to go to make things work, what you have left is anger towards yourself. Be angry with her - as long as it takes - but be nicer to yourself, dude. You and your kids deserve it.<br /> I never doubted that you loved your kids before this happened but it seems that this episode made you even more committed to them. If that is the only positive thing that you can see that came from this, then hold on to it. Because at least that's something.<br /> Life will go on and things will get better - and someday you will look back on all this with some detachment - and it will just be another part of your history. <br /> As for the other, and the feelings of 'home', I wish I had more answers. You and i are so similar in this way. I did feel, for a brief time, that I had a home- and for me that place is a respite from the world that I feel I can invite others in and be a part of. I can't ever go back there - nor would I want to - but the drive to create that again both keeps me going and makes me crazy sad. Because I haven't had it since. <br /> I also hold my friends very closely and dearly to my heart - and I am grateful that at least I have a small handful of people that really truly get me and understand me. I have a significant other, and we complement each other, but I have never had the kind of romantic love I thought I might. I came close once and he rejected me and it almost killed me. It made me crazy with how much I 'loved' him - or whatever that feeling was - and I'm not sure how I made it out alive. All I remember was constantly telling myself that one day I'd feel better even though I didn't really believe it. <br /> I do know after that episode, I couldn't really believe that i was going to find this great romantic love, so I started to think instead, ok, what else is there, then? I do feel like you do often - that part of me will always be 'lost' - but over the years I have come to accept that is just part of the package - and that there are other things in my life besides romantic love that are good and help fill the gaps. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think there's anything wrong with deciding that the pursuit of a relationship is not important to you. <br /> I don't know if anything I said helps or makes sense. It's late, I'm sick, God knows I'm tired and depressed - probably mostly due to the fact that I felt like I took three years out of my life to end up feeling worse than before and wondering where the hell to go from here - but I woke up from my sickly stupor, read this, and had to respond while it was fresh. Otherwise I may not have said all i wanted to say. <br /> Hang in there. You ARE one of the good ones, that much I know. You will make it past this and it will get better. Promise.<br />Love<br />Your SisterViking Wolf Womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265789859515871389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8984894774694891917.post-38621771969082807872010-11-04T04:30:32.533-04:002010-11-04T04:30:32.533-04:00Wow. I know this must have taken a lot out of you ...Wow. I know this must have taken a lot out of you to say all this and I know it's been a long time coming. I understand why you feel like you do but if I could change one thing, it's that you blame yourself for getting hurt. As if somehow you would have behaved differently, you could have prevented it. I have felt this way in the past, and to me, it is is one of the worst feelings ever -'how could i have been so stupid?'<br /><br />What took me a long time to learn - and I'm so glad i did is this: You don't have to be angry at yourself for the fucked up ways other people treat you. You deciding to let go and trust someone came from a good place - and the only thing you're 'guilty' of is operating on the assumption that the other person was also on the up and up - and coming from the same sincere and meaningful place that you were. This is not a crime to believe that other people can actually be trusted. <br /> I never met this person but I did see several times that there was way too much willingness to 'cut and run'. You were there, doing the work, and this person could not see the forest through the trees. I don't know what she was looking for, but I could see she was way too willing to give up as soon as there was an issue - and relationships are ALWAYS going to have issues, no matter what. ALL relationships - with our families, friends, children, significant others.Viking Wolf Womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265789859515871389noreply@blogger.com