Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Disease

I dont do drugs
I dont drink
I dont gamble

Jealousy consumes me, it eats away at me. The moment I forget about it, it comes back full force.

It drains your face and pulls your chest in, all you want is to close your eyes, but your afraid. Your afraid if you stop looking something may pass you by.

It makes you look for things that aren't there and even if satisfied it reminds why you need to keep looking.

It fills your head with the worst possible images, it makes your mouth run.

It makes you take things to far, always going over the limit. One question leads to two, which leads to three, which leads to hang ups and then to fighting.

It makes you forget who is around you

It makes something of nothing and then more of less

It makes them scared

It makes them hurt

It makes you say "I'm Sorry"

It makes them leave

It makes you cry

It makes you sad

It doesnt allow you to enjoy anyone

Like a demon I can watch it destroy everything, yet I cant stop it. I let it take advantage of me whenever it wants. No matter how good the couple minutes prior where, it finds a way to destroy it. He fills your head with thoughts, images, feelings, things all meant to hurt.

It wont go away, until long after she does

3 comments:

Mother Firefly said...

I hope everything is okay....hang in there. Call me if you need to. I'm home all day tomorrow (thursday)

Jumbo's Lezis said...

I sat and thought it out this morning and have come to the realization that yes I do have a jealousy issue, but it doesn't consume me as much as my ability to realize and accept that someone may love me. I always question it, look for small signs that they don't and let them eat at me.

harleygirl13 said...

I haven't been here for awhile and for that I'm sorry. I hope you have come to grips with this awful demon. I know you have found someone who truely loves you. You have so much to give and so much life to enjoy with this special person and love to give. Don't let this monster get in your way. Contrary to belief your family is here for you and sometimes just talking and having someone to listen is a great help. I am always here for you as are many of your friends AND family.There is no reason to be jealous as I am sure deep down you know.