Saturday, December 4, 2010
I personally am glad that Mr. Six is going forth and pushing the limits even farther with a "Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence". Which I don't know what that means, but after seeing the "First Sequence", I can only guess, maybe a fully enclosed system.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
According to Webster dictionary online, home, is "one's place of residence". For the most part I can agree with this, although at this current time I don't really have the ability to abide to this definition either. When I think of "home" it holds a greater meaning that just a physical roof over my head. I have an ex friend, whom would go to his parents house, random days, watch tv, eat some dinner and maybe stay the night. That to me, is home. When I am depressed or trapped in one of my obsessive-compulsive downward spirals I would write. Two things, for as long as I can remember, go one the paper more than any. Sometimes written neatly line per line or thrown about the paper in scribble, "Pack everything up" and "I want to go home". "Pack everything up" never verbally came out of my mouth, but "I want to go home" does. When things got bad, I would say "I want to go home" over and over, I guess part of my compulsive behavior.
The definition "an environment offering affection and security" , is more of what I am looking for. I know I do not have this and honestly I can not remember when I did. I do remember back to when I was in college, I did have some kind of "home" to come back to. I had a break down around then, events so far from each other all came together. Things that shouldn't align, polar opposites, all bombarded me simultaneously. I had in a sense lost it and I went home, no one was there. I ended up at a friends house, on the couch, stoned, not home. I think I spent a couple of days there, afraid to go back to my dwelling. When I did go back, a female friend accompanied me and stayed with me a couple of days.
Friends have been the strongest part of my life. Almost like a child raised by a pack of wolves, I learned and gained some form of knowledge from each of them. The ones I made 20 years ago are the ones I still have now. We have experiences together that can never be lost, stories to tell 100 times, arguments that will never be settled. These extensions of my family, and some of them closer to me than family, have even given me refuge in their homes. It never satisfied my need for comfort, but the idea was there. I think losing that feeling of home so long ago is what makes me what I am today, almost lost. I can't settle on anything, I have proven that with woman. I guess in the least disrespectful way possible, I don't trust them. With the lack of trust, comes the lack of respect. I don't hurt them, physically or mentally, I just don't care for them. Have you ever looked at something and had no feeling what so ever. You just did what was needed with it and went on, no remorse or regret? Twice in my life I put myself out there, the first time took me almost 12 years to overcome. I wasn't sitting around bitter and mad, I just did not care about them. Of course, I cared about some things they had, one in particular, but that was it. I would say what was needed, act how I was expected and do what they wanted, until I achieved my goal. Then, no more, I walked away. I have been called every name in the book, watched them cry and beg, but it doesn't bother me. Their emotion, feelings, needs, have nothing over me. Now, I did try it again, for some dumb fucking reason I let it all down, every defense I since I was a kid. Looking back now I hate myself for it, I hate how I changed myself and how let her in. The real me would have walked all over it and never once let any of that happen. My brother Marty saw that, he saw me changing. He tells me he doesn't like how I feel about woman, doesn't understand how I can be so cold. But, he respects it and he cares about me. He warned me that I wouldn't like this and that it was against everything I am. I would just shrug it off, tell him it's time for me to change, I can be this person. Deep down I knew it was bad and I had to step up and be the person I really was. Marty didn't like that part of me, but he knew I was happy that way and he tried. Then one night he was gone and I think at that point I felt alone. On the outside I strutted and talked shit, but inside I was scared. I maintained my route and went forth, only to realize I am not that person. The real me saw through shit, didn't fall for lies and never ever would have gotten attached.
I finished that phase of my life, I can't say it went the way I wanted it too. I am me again and with some vengeance. Someone got the best of me and I want them to suffer now, I will figure it out. I have my brother back, even though he is far away. I have been to PA more since he got there, than I think in my life. He is currently staying with our father, well mine. Somehow Marty has managed to not have to call him that. When I go there, I stay in Marty's room, on the couch. Funny how the couch has become such an anchor in my life, I think I have slept on one more in my life than a bed. There, in that room, I feel a piece of home. Same as I did when I would go to his house here in Michigan, that extreme sense of comfort. This is when I learned my definition of "home" and how it fits into my life. Oddly enough it may have something to do with my father, i still cant verify that. I do know, for a fact, that Marty is a big piece of that. Why, I don't know, he wasn't around when I was a kid. I have no connection to him and the home I used to have. I think it's just him, maybe he truly cares, maybe he's some form of father figure. I may never know what it is, I do know its a huge part of my life. The closest thing I have to "home" right now, unfortunately, is the couch at my kids mother's house.
Remembering "home" doesn't happen a lot. I once had a dream that my mother bought the house in North Branch and everyone was there. I remember walking through, every sensation I had as a child was there, I imagine that this it what it will feel like when you die. The dream ends and you realize once again it is all taken away from you, each time as painful as the first. Sometimes I sit and try and blame someone, there are two major holes inside me, I dont think its all my fault. I don't think I will ever respect a woman as a significant other. I know deep down that can never happen and it does not bother me. I am not worried about loving someone, could care less. I am worried about work, living, health and the biggest one, making sure my kids never lose what I did. Their lives start with me, it goes no higher than that. It branches out, far out, friends and siblings are segments of their road map. I think we [siblings] have learned the same lessons and each taken our own path to overcome it. Some I don't agree with, even my own. I never want my son to think of woman as I do and I would kill someone if they treated my daughter that way. I do know I will never choose another object over them, I will never go a course that separates them from their "home". I have learned all to well the pain that comes from that and the loss inside of me. Apartment, trailer or mansion, my kids will always be welcome and never will feel different. I will be 32 this year and I know it is a lost cause. Funny, how I get the feeling of "home" from watching "Christmas Vacation". It's amazing how far my mind will go to bring that comfort, it's almost like my deepest darkest places have also given up.
I want to be a kid again. I want to tell certain people I love them and others I don't. I want to make different decision but still have some of the same outcomes.
There are people out there who are big parts of my life. They know who they are and I don't think I need to name them all. I hide emotion with every ounce of energy, but if I have ever cried to you, then you know your a part. I will go on, live my life best I can. No matter what I do or how things go, I will always be lost. Even with my own place, my own couch to go home to, it's not home. When my kids are there, they are home and when they are home, I am happy. I wish I had that place to go,hide, be comfortable, because I know if it made me happy, it would make them happy.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
So tonight was the premiere of "A Haunting on Hamilton Street" at the Temple Theatre in Saginaw. It was put on by a guy named Prozak, who apparently is some rapper from Saginaw and also has a ghost hunting team "Seekers". Eight of us went to the show tonight, we got there around 8:00, movie time was at 9:00. The line outside was crazy, luckily we had pre-ordered our tickets and were let right in for will call. By the time we got into the theater, around 8:15, it was probably 60% capacity and filled up in no time, I can't believe that everyone outside had gotten in. Our seats were pretty good, about 6 rows from the front on the left side of the theater. It was my first time there, beautiful inside, seats kind of sucked though. There was an old organ next to the stage that lifted off the ground and a guy played creepy music before the show. The crowd was a mix, not a lot of kids, more people around my age (31) and a lot of older people, I would say over 50. When the lights finally went down some radio DJ brought up the group, it was Prozak, Bryan from Ghost Hunters and a preacher from Paranormal State. They talked briefly about how tonights film was based on the Shuch Hotel and all their findings, lifted the curtains and started the adventure.
The first 30 minutes was a mixture of Saginaw History and Ghost Hunting 101, this was annoying. If I am paying 13$ to go see a documentary on ghost hunting then I probably have some concept of the idea. The history on Saginaw was great, I was intrigued to know more, I would have rather had 30 minutes of history. For instance I was not aware that Saginaw had such lawlessness that it was rougher than the west, murder after murder. Instead of more vital history on Saginaw, I learned what an EMF detector was, for the 100000th time. This makes the movie about 50 minutes of ghost shit and30 minutes of redundant information. Bryan from GH did have a lot of face time during this, discussing hunting and his experiences. During this he seemed to knock Jason and Grant, even Zac and his crew for GA. He took cheap shots at them, but also still lives off his old apperances, recapping them and even wearing a "Run Dude!!!" tshirt. My opinion, hes still a deusch in person.
Once we get into the "hunting", the team consisted of Prozak and his guys from "Seekers". It was basically 15 minutes of a bunch of people have personal experiences, touched, slapped, pulled, hot, cold, heres and orb, theres and orb, everywhere are orbs. This 15 minutes was boring, seemed like a crappy Discovery channel ghost hunt. Thankfully this quickly ended and they had Bryan flown in to help investigate, things started to get good. One of my favorite things was the lack of EVP's and in place of that was disembodied voices, really good creepy ones. They heard the bangs and thumps and lots more voices. The time with Bryan on the screen was enjoyable and very active, he almost didn't annoy me.
The remaining 20-30 minutes of the show was just a barrage of events they documented, including bringing the Preacher out from Paranormal State. The voices were great, growling, heavy breathing and some really good footage. There were a couple of scenes where you could see what was going on behind them and they had no idea, that made my hairs stand up.
All in all in was some great footage, for about 30 - 45 minutes. There was no Q & A at the end which was disappointing. You could talk to them in lobby, but the crowd was crazy. I will go see the others when they come out and probably get a hold of the DVD's so Damian and I can watch them.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
I am pretty excited about this, trailers look great. Its a new end of the world italian zombie movie produced by Uwe Boll and his gold teeth fund.
Also Damian and I finished Dawn of the Dead this weekend, he loved it. Not sure if he will be able to do Day of the Dead yet. I did line up Lost Boys and Fright Night for him to watch next weekend. Don't forget the premier of Walking Dead Halloween night.
Off to watch the "Altitude"
Monday, October 18, 2010
Human Centipede: First Sequence
This was really good and disturbing at the same time. There version I had seemed to be filmed in English, it wasn't dubbed over. There was about a 15 minute scene in near the end that was all in German and offered no subtitles. My knowledge of German is very limited, although I think I could get around with it. Regardless I didn't feel lost during that time, it was easy to understand what was going on. The movie is about some modern day Dr. Mengele that, after a unsuccessful trial on dogs, decides to try his experiment on humans. His experiment is called the Human Centipede and it is taking three humans and connecting them. How you may ask, well the lead person has their asshole connected to the middle persons mouth and that persons asshole is connected to the last persons mouth. Yeap, no lie, this is a movie. My biggest complaint is the lack of time spent on the experiment itself, but I am hoping thats were a sequel comes in.
Don't worry I didn't ruin anything, there are no secrets in this plot, its just very disturbing and uncomfortable to watch.
I also sat down and watched the remake of Nightmare on Elm Street. Not a lot to say about this, just like all the other ones. The one thing I did like is how Freddie's voice was always way louder and deeper than anything else on screen.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Well I finally talked Damian into watching some other scary movies. So far the closest thing to scary that he has put down is Zombieland and all the Jaws movies. Last weekend the kids and I sat down to Night of the Living Dead (1968).
Hailie did the best at first, she didn't cover her eyes like Damian was. She sat all alone at her Dora table watching until the part when Barbara was sitting down in the kitchen and the zombie was walking up behind her. She then came over to sit with me and asked why the girl doesn't use the knife and kill the Zombie. She yelled at the screen a couple of times, trying to get direction and then passed out on the couch.
Damian would go from covering his eyes to watching for about the first half of the movie, he finally finished it and realized it wasn't so bad.
This weekend we started the original Dawn of the Dead, so far so good. We are about half way through it and he only covered up in the beginning at the apartment complex.
Well gotta go, will report later after I finish Human Centipede: The first Sequence
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Today Damian and I caught up on Ghost Hunters and the great Destination Truth, tomorrow we will watch the new three part first episode of Ghost Adventures. After the kids tucked themselves into bed, it was daddy's turn for some entertainment. I have been engrossed in series lately. I am watching the seventh season of Entourage, re-watching Skins and about to start this last season of Rescue Me. Not to mention all the great shows are about to start, well some have as mentioned above. With all the overwhelming 30 and 60 minute shows I decided to sit down to one I have looked forward to for some time, "Frozen". Frozen is about 3 friends who head out for a Sunday of skiing. After begging their way onto the last run they head up in the lift as night begins to fall. After some confusion below and shift changes, they think the last three runners have come down. Well, in fact they did, but it wasn't the last three who went up. The movie takes place over the span of roughly 24 hours and is along the same lines as "Open Water". Personally I did not like Open Water, I was bored with it so much that they didn't fool me into liking Open Water 2. I do have to say I liked the story of Deep Water 2 better. Frozen is actually a really good film and at times I found myself cringing. I watched this on my laptop with headphones and I have to admit once or twice I pulled the ears up because I did not want to hear what was going to happen. The movie, like many others, had its flaws. My biggest one was, CANT SAY SPOILER", I think you will catch it when you watch it.
So watch "Frozen", its a nice little film about pushing the elements of nature with the human body and its a nice change from gross out movies like Saw.
One more movie I watched is "9th Company". Its based on the true story of the Russian Infantry Unit 9th Company during the Afghan conflict. Short story, when Russia withdrew they forget the 9th Company on a mountain top and they were run through and slaughtered. The movie was very well done visually, hardly any computer enhancement. This shouldn't come as a surprise seeing how anyone can rent the Russian military to play war games with, true story. One suggestion would be to watch it with subtitles. The english audio dub made it feel like bollywoods version of Superman dubbed by Asians.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Dexter season 4 was awesome!!! I was so pissed at Dexter for getting close to the Trinity Killer. I knew it was going to end bad, but I honestly thought it was all over when he got home, I had no clue Rita would be murdered.
Uwe Bolle does another decent movie and one shitty one. Rampage is about a local man, early 20's, whose sick of life and wants to change it. So he builds a realistic suite of armor, orders some guns and just starts killing people in his town. It was well directed and the violence wasn't over the top, but still realistic. It is on Netflix watch it now, that makes it a good watch if your looking to blow about an hour and a half. During the previews on Rampage there is one for Uwe's new movie, Seed. The preview looked really good, gritty and graphic. But, we have to remember whose it is and he can't seem to do two things right in a row. Now I respect Uwe's movies, I still think Postal is one of the best and Rampage, although not funny, was still very well done. Seed on the other hand was, well slow and boring. The first hour is spent in a police office watching videos of the killers work, he recorded everything he did. It was somewhat gory and disturbing, but nothing major. Then the killer gets executed, 3 times, doesnt die, so the sheriff says lets bury him alive. If three botched executions don't do it, then you can be sure your gonna dig yourself out of a shallow grave. After this dramatic revival, Seed, goes on to kill all the cops he doesnt like. The only entertaining scene in this movie was when he captured one of the cops wife, tied her to a chair and started to play. He walked around her and lightly taped her in the head with a hammer. It wasn't enough to cause major damage, just hurt bad. This segment last 10 minutes and finished with him going ape shit and beating her head down to the shoulders. This movie is also on the watch it now, if you want watch the one scene. The rest is visually dark as in lighting and lacks depth.
I downloaded Titanic II just to say I did, I cant bring myself to watch it, so I gave it to a friend. Apparently they rebuild the Titanic, go on a voyage and it sinks. Odd thing is the lack of scientific and mathematical thought that went into its sinking. See a iceberg breaks in the Atlantic, causing a tsunami that is traveling at 800 mph!!!, yes 800 mph!!!. This tsunami hits an iceberg that in turn rams the Titanic II. The iceberg that was hit by the wave was huge. I dont know its mass, but we do know the velocity is 800 mph. Doing the math I don't see a hole in the side of a ship as being the result. Regardless it starts to sink and then another iceberg falls and sends another tsunami that capsizes the ship. Oh yeah and the government sends battle ships to the atlantic to save the human bobers. Not that I run the world, but shouldnt they be preparing for armageddon sized waves to hit the coast?
I really, really liked this movie. The suspense it created without special effects or visuals in the beginning was awesome. I think if it was a regular movie and shown all the things happening, I don't think it would have been as good. It's one of those that you have to see, if I explain it, I will ruin it.
I want to throw a couple of my thoughts out there.
I think the story about "Honey the Cat" is what started it all and it was mainly the word "Honey". It was one of the words named in the French broadcast.
Was Mazzy's voice the reason it started or was it the word?
What were the whispers Mazzy heard on the phone, was it the Weather/Traffic guy going nuts?
The producer said "Honey" multiple times to her kids on the phone, did she spread it.
At the very end of the movie the BBC guy starts to repeat "Pontypool", then theres a weird short video with the producer and Mazzy, what was that about?
Sunday, August 15, 2010
I don't speak a lot about my past, I tend to forget most of it. Some of it, primarily my last couple years of High School, I spent with close friends, experimenting and trying dugs of all nature. We didn't do it in an abusive way, but more like scientist, experimenting for that perfect utopia. Only to catch it once in a great while, then spend months just "chasing the dragon". It's not necessary to get into what drugs where taken, but maybe what ones were not. We never touched heroin, we new the high would be to much to replace. We stayed away from bathtub shit like, crack and meth, but stuck more to the natural drugs, things born on this earth.
Day 1 & 2
One night, sometime in October, I believe Friday night, we gathered at Shane's girlfriends house. Her and her parents were gone somewhere for a week. Like most low key get together's it was just myself, Mike, Shane and Lane. Some people came over the first night, we had some beers, smoked some weed and called it a night. Saturday we awoke throughout the house around noon, most everyone had gone by now, just the original named above. We went out to eat that day, probably the first food we had ingested since dinner on Friday. After returning we sat down to watch clerks, then headed down to the basement to try out some new weed that Mike had acquired. With all four of us leaned up against the oversized ferret cage we began to go at it. As the bowl passed around things began to slow down, people in slow motion, darkness set in and your ears seem to be underwater. The four of us finished the final couple rounds while exhaling deep slow motion laughs of excitement. Whatever Mike had stumbled across was our new favorite, but we new this love would be short lived. What we were experiencing could never be done again, we had just this one chance to live it, one chance to take it in for all its glory. When it was all done we quickly began to realize that what it was, was creeper and it was still taking us deeper and deeper. Realizing we were in the belly of the house and lingering near us was an odd looking cat we decided to go upstairs. Up stairs was light, drinks and hope. We new the ultimate show was available, for some reason the home owner had put their Christmas tree up in October. At the bottom of the stairs and the hardest part of our journey, we lined up like preschoolers and prepared to take the journey. Shane our leader, Mike second and myself and Lane following up, we wobbled one step at a time. Around midway up and what seemed to be minutes into the journey Mike had mad a startling conclusion that whatever was in us gave us the ability to float. This may seem fun, but it put a kink in our plan to the Utopian light show upstairs. As Mike reminded us, while latching on to Shane with both hands, he [shane] was the only one who could work the door handle. At this point fear began to set in, if Shane floats off we will never make it home, never drink Squirt or worse, never see the lights. We set in like soldiers on attack, each grabbing the one in front, Shane was our VIP, risk everything, make sure he gets to the door. The door seemed a good mile at this point, using all our strength to grasp one another, keep them from floating off. Lane, last in line, was dealt the most difficult task, maintaining my neutrality to the steps and keeping his own. He later told me that he didn't have to take one step the entire way up, he just flew behind me. After struggling for what seemed an hour, cotton mouth and sweating we had gotten Shane to the door. It was at this time he turned to us and in his saddest face, a look of defeat, he informed us "I can't remember how to open the door". "Think Shane", Mike aggressively yelled back, but it did no good. We could tell from Shane's eyes we had failed. Forgetting our ability to defy gravity we all sat on the steps, lit up our personal favorite cigarettes, mine being Lucky Strike Filtered, and began to ponder. We outed the ideas of waiting a week, digging a hole, fire and using the ferret to get help. I would say two cigarettes in Shane stood up, put his hand on the knob and opened it. He didn't just remember, he wasn't playing a game with us, a higher being, someone way beyond us gave him the knowledge. Shane was now a god and as far as he was concerned he had the ability to conquer anything. We immediately found refuge in the living room, this was safety. I couldn't tell you what the rest of the house was like, I don't remember any of it, not even using the bathroom. Someone had gone to the kitchen and gotten us our pop, we then sat starring at the most beautiful Christmas tree ever. Lights that shinned and streaked, leaped off the tree. It was alive, a romantic orchestra of life and love, this tree filled us with everything that was missing. We laid on the floor, sat in chairs, looked at walls, it didn't matter. The tree was a life form and it was the room now, we were living in it. The only logical thought we produced was that whatever this was, this feeling, couldn't be lost. If we let it go we would never have it again, we had to smoke more. So we did, more and more, we filled our lungs, then the room. Soon the lights began to dim, the beautiful dance the tree had given us for hours was ending as if the tree was dying. The sadness of it all was happening, we were at the point of excessiveness, our minds had taken in too much. So the lights went out, motor skills went away, Utopia was now over.
Sunday, sometime in mid afternoon I awoke. Mike had been up for sometime and had found cereal in the kitchen, Shane was trying to not wake up, but you could tell his body was not having it. Lane, was gone, slipped off early morning, I guess he had responsibilities. Waking from an experience like the night before was easy, the upside to drug use is the lack of residual affects. No hangovers, headaches or grogginess. After finishing off the box of cereal we found we went to the living to prepare. I don't have a good time frame, my guess is around 3 or 4 and maybe I had been up for an hour. We decided immediately to try some new stuff and in addition we would be adding mushrooms. Ultimately our goal that weekend was to try Peyote for the first time, but we could not secure it. So fungus in hand we went under and fired up our joint. The shrooms are one thing, controllable happy highs, but what lay waste inside our weed, well that was unexpected. We don't know to this day what it was, we do know it was way beyond our control. Within an hour the lights went out to me, I was done, comatose. When I woke it was to a whole new world. Shane stood in front of me, tree in hand, talking to the angel on top. I couldn't reach him, my hands were detached, no matter how much i tried they just wouldn't touch him. In the distance I heard what seemed to be a waterfall, I wasn't completely sure. With ill attempts to get Shane's attention from touching him I yelled. My scream echoed, you could see the ripples bouncing around the room. At that point, bug eyed and red faced Shane turned to me. He then moved within inches of my face and spoke words that I could not decipher. In a panic I told him, "I can't understand you, please talk to me in human". Slowly he turned his head, as to see no one was listening, handed me another joint and said smoke, so I did. He then told me, "Dolphins can't breathe our air, so I put him in the shower. He's been in too long, needs to eat". I understood completely, joint in mouth, I heard the dolphin crying out from the shower. It was at this point Shane made his move to save the drowning fish and using his new god like abilities he set off. Over the couch and into the drywall, his attempt ended abruptly. In my heart I knew he could walk through walls, but this had to be a force field. Now on the floor, Shane laid half on the Christmas tree, which was now on top of me. I patted him on the head and told him we did everything we could, the dolphin would be happy.
I woke up on the floor, Shane's head on my leg and Christmas tree covering me like a blanket. Next to me in the recliner was Mike, in his boxers and tshirt, soaking wet. Apparently he had woken up in the shower. As we looked around at the destruction created last night, we tried to piece it together. Apparently more had happened prior to my waking up, for instance Shane trying to walk through 3 different walls in the living room. As we talked one piece of the night, which seemed impossible, started to come to light. We all remembered a party, a hill, the moon, stars, uncut soft grass and talking to Michelle C. The vividness was astonishing, the exact same stories, feelings, smells, conversations. The openness of the night, the freedom, we all felt it. No one was dressed, had shoes on, nor had the cars been moved. The front door was unlocked and open, we don't now how or why. Did we go somewhere, did we just go outside and the three of us dream we were there? We don't know, we had no physical evidence. Just the vividness of a "perfect" dream, that three people shared together.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
First off I want to say that I am not a racists person, second usually when people say that it means they are, but in this case I am not.
Now, enough with these goddamn movies. First of all I want to say that the original "Death at a Funeral", directed by Frank Oz was very good, plenty of dry humor and good ole English Laughs. I honestly do not remember if there were any black people in the movie, but then again I am not one to watch movies and count the different kinds of people in them. So today I was on IMDB looking up episodes of "House" when I saw an add for "Death at a Funeral" coming to theaters 4/16/2010, WTF is this? Once I clicked on it I realized that it is an entirely black cast, except the except for three white actors, one of them was in the original. Don't get me wrong, the cast in the new one is great, very funny group, but don't do this. Your not even remaking the film, its just recast. So I decided, if we are going to redo something just for the sack of recasting, then why not credit it to the master of rip off, poser rerun movies. Here I made a poster all on my own.
I think you should watch the trailers, exactly the same.